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Dr Seuss


 Technical Support   Seuss does Star Trek



If you have any other CLEAN ones to add to this page, send it to me addme@nadliwog.8m.com
What if Dr. Suess did technical support writing?...
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Here's an easy game to play.
Here's and easy thing to say:
 
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And if the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a share, sir!
We'll find you
Another game, sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unecessary risk,
Then you have to glash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
 

Seuss Does Star Trek
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 Picard:     Sigma Indri, that's the star,
             So, Data, please, how far? How far?

 Data:       Our ship can get there very fast
             But still the trip will last and last
             We'll have two days til we arrive
             But can the Indrans there survive?

 Picard:     LaForge, please give us factor nine.

 LaForge:    But, sir, the engines are offline!

 Picard:     Offline! But why? I want to go!
             Please make it so, please make it so!

 Riker:      But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
             We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
             The danger here is far too great!

 Picard:     But surely we must not be late!

 Troi:       I'm sensing anger and great ire.

 Computer:   Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

 Picard:     The ship's on fire? How could this be?
             Who lit the fire?

 Riker:      Not me.

 Worf:       Not me.

 Picard:     Computer, how long til we die?

 Computer:   Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

 Data:       May I suggest a course to take?
             We could, I think, quite safely make
             Extinguishers from tractor beams
             And stop the fire, or so it seems...

 Geordi:     Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
             Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

 Picard:     Mr. Data, thank you much.
             You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

 Troi:       We still must save the Indran planet --

 Data:       Which (by the way) is made of granite...

 Picard:     Enough, you android. Please desist.
             We understand -- we get your gist.
             But can we get our ship to go?
             Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

 Geordi:     There's sabotage among the wires
             And that's what started all the fires.

 Riker:      We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
             We need to go! We need to go!

 Troi:       We must seek out the traitor spy
             And lock him up and ask him why?

 Worf:       Ask him why? How sentimental.
             I say give him problems dental.

 Troi:       Are any Romulan ships around?
             Have scanners said that they've been found?
             Or is it Borg or some new threat
             We haven't even heard of yet?
             I sense no malice in this crew.
             Now what are we supposed to do?

 Crusher:    Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
             They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
             I can't just sit and let them die!
             A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

 Picard:     Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

 Crusher:    They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
 

 *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
  HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
 

 Worf:       The saboteur is in the brig.
             He's very strong and very big.
             I had my phaser set on stun --
             A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
             He would not budge, he would not fall,
             He would not stun, no, not at all!
             He changed into a stranger form
             All soft and purple, round and warm.

 Picard:     Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
             Did you see this creature morph?

 Worf:       I did and then I beat him fairly.
             Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

 Riker:      My commendations, Klingon friend!
             Our troubles now are at an end!

 Crusher:    Now let's get our ship to fly
             And orbit yonder Indran sky!

 Picard:     LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

 Geordi:     Yes, sir, we can.

 Picard:     Then make it so!
 

    THE END
 
 

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